dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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