where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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