Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
