South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
