I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
