It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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