what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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