The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
