Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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