how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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