Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
