after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize