she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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