If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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