bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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