oh god the rape fog is back!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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