How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
