do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
