My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
