You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
