She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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