If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
