There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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