It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
