Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
