you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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