There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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