once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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