Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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