I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
