All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
