dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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