I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
should my penis look like a turkey
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
