mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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