if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize