Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The best revenge is premature balding
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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