i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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