champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
