i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
