Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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