dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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