i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
