Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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