she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
