I'm really into asian looking animals
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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