don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
