Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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