do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
