Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
