Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
