i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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