I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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