shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am one with the molecules
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
