the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Two words: blizzard sex
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
