honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
