Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize