It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
