Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize