Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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