I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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