Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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