I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
