so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just forgot I was standing up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
