The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
