im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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