I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
